custody battles suck

Life is hell in the Hall household.   Lawyers are ignorant and they are paid well for that manipulative behavior.  Does it suck? YES.  What do you do when you know what should be right and you have an attorney dragging his heels while the welfare of your child is at jeopardy?  Well, simple, call DSS on your own.  Getting to the point here, my step son is in the care of his great grandparents. (not something we are proud to admit but at that time it was the only choice)  It was in the best interest of the child at that time due to my husband and I living in a motel with 2 children already.  Now they are elderly and health failing.  Nana is wheelchair bound and was just sent home from the nursing home. (not by choice, mind you, but because health insurance is dry)  she isn’t capable of caring for herself much less a child who thoroughly enjoys being the king of the kingdom.  Papa is neglecting major needed surgeries til nana gets better and can’t keep his memory long enough to make the child bathe.  My stepson is fixing to be 12 years old and uses guilt to manipulate emotions in people.  He lies constantly and they are poisoning him against my husband who has nothing but the want for his son to come home.  To top it all off the child still believes that my husband and my children are his cousins.  All because this is what nana has burned into his head.  If he were to know that they were siblings he would want to be with them so they will not let him know.  I mean seriously??????  How do you not know that if you all call the same man DADDY, that you aren’t siblings?  Oh well.  

They received the child custody this morning and to let you know the kicker, it wasn’t even the grand parents that called to bitch, IT WAS THE BOY!!!!!   Point blank, I do NOT discuss legal matters with a child.  It doesn’t concern him.  Now the court system wants to wait til the beginning of next year to do anything.  I think NOT.  By that point they will have poisoned him so badly against his dad that it will be even worse.   Please don’t think any of this is out of vengeance my husband has been wanting custody of his son since we got stable in a home.  6 years ago.   Now it’s just a vital necessity. Nana should still be under 24/7 care and isn’t and papa can’t remember how to get home half the time. 

Earlier today papa went to the store and left the boy home with nana to care for while he went out.  NOT COOL.  She had to go to the bathroom and there was no one who could take her.  The last we knew of the child hadn’t bathed or changed clothes since Monday.  It’s Friday now.   Ew!!!!   What do we do???  My husband is now to the point of rage at his grandparents and the legal system.  Why is it that doing it the right way never works?   He has only had visitation once in 10 years.  And even that was pure hell.   They called every day reassuring the child that they could not function without him so he cried the whole time.  They even came to our door early to take him home.  From Tennessee!!!!!!    Go figure.  

Well enough rambling about this I’m pissed off as it is for my husband’s situation.  Any advice is welcome.  Thanks for listening.

be careful when you teach your kids it's okay to voice your opinion.

You know, when my daughter was younger my husband always taught her that you should never be afraid to say what you truly feel.  Well, even now, twelve years later, she is still living up to her dad’s lessons.  Last night I met a really cool lady and her husband.  They came over to relieve me of my exercise elliptical due to the fact that my kids were going to kill themselves on it.  That and I swear it was always the one thing that could kill you in the dark because of where it stood.   Anyhow, this cool woman shows up and all is going well til it’s time to load it up.  Now understand right now it’s me and my 4 kids, and her and her disabled husband (motorcycle wreck).  My sweet hearted daughter out of nowhere looks at her and says, “okay now you’re old and, well, that’s my mom, so how are you getting it out the door?”  needless to say, I was floored and, yes, even oddly offended.  Not at the fact yet that she called the lady old to her face, but that she called me puny.  What the heck?????   LOL  then I realized she just told this lady she was old.   The poor lady looked great for her age and she really was only like 46 but shoot, by the time I moved the couch out of the way she already had that thing halfway out the door…HOLY COW.  It wasn’t that heavy like you’d think, just off balance because of it’s structure.  Well, I finally get out there to help her get it down the steps and sure as crap, my kids and her husband are loving every minute of this because my daughter is still picking at me for having issues trying to carry it down the stairs to the point that this woman even asks, “I’ll slow down to one step at a time so you don’t fall.”  SERIOUSLY?????????  Does everyone in the vicinity think I’m weak?  I couldn’t balance the handle bar end without trying not to break the electronic dash.  She says, “pick up the stationary bars” go figure.  DUH!!!!   Well we finally get it in the trailer and I swear, my kids are floored.  My daughter is loving every minute of doggin me.  “man mom, she’s old and she still got that whole thing in there by herself”  I mean dang do you people not see that I was right there too?   Nope.   Now all the while my 2 youngest sons had already made themselves at home in this couple’s trailer.  They are throwing things down the ramp, jumping in it, ride their bikes in it.  Al I can think is “these people think we’re nuts”  but her hubby is so sweet he tells me it’s just nice to see them happy and playing.  Well before they leave she tells us she has to go home to help her daughter who just had an infection cleaned out of a toe and of course who should chime in to that one?  My daughter. Yup. All mouth no thinking.  “really????  Did they take off her foot?”   nope. “did they take off her toe?”  nope.  “well dang I thought it would be gross”  she tells my daughter, who’s disappointed that the poor girl didn’t get her foot taken off, they had to remove some nasty, green, oozy stuff from it.  Well that sealed it.  My daughter was ultimately engrossed in finding out all the gory details.  Eventually she goes, “well in a house where there are more penises than boobies that’s just how your brain starts to work”   WHAT HAVE I BEEN RAISING?????   LOL  well needless to say all is well and they seemed delighted to meet everyone but as I told my husband 1. Thanks for the way he is raising my daughter to be like him. and 2. Stop laughing at my supposed weakness.   He just couldn’t help but continue to laugh at this elder woman moving this machine before I even got to turn around.  LOL  I guess it was funny and yes I’m a bit overwhelmed at my daughter’s uncensored mouth but hell, at least she doesn’t lie.  If she’d learn to curb it a bit I wouldn’t feel dumb.   Hehehehehe    oh yeah and to top it off, I’m not weak by any means, I box, do some martial arts and know how to fight or flight (depending on the situation and who I have to outrun) if need be.  Not weak at all. 

the 4th of july

i guess unlike most people my family doesn't celebrate these kind of days.  Not to say we're against them but when people ask what i'm doing for the 4th i clearly state, "Thanking God i woke this morning and that hopefully i'll survive the day and see the 5th."  honestly that's all we do.  in this house with not much for money we don't really get enthusiastic for holidays.  we can't.  we have not really much for family around here or do we keep too many friends to have get togethers so it's another day.  today was truly a day just like the rest.  my husband went to work and my kids fought, played, fought again and then finally just went to bed after meds.   one of these days i will wake up and it will be a literally NEW day.  
My 2 oldest sons are grounded for a month.  YES, i said a month.  They steal.  not from just anyone, but me.  and to beat it all, they swear it's neither one of them yet they both get caught red handed.  does anyone have a clue what goes through the mind of a boy when he's got the lighter in his hand or the chocolate on his face and swears it was the other one?  i mean really?????   my 8 year old has sticky little fingers but the worst part is he thinks he's right even after a good butt cutting and grounding and losing everything.  my 10 year old will tell me he did something long after he did it when i threaten to go through their room.  like that will make me any less angry.   LOL   boys really have no frontal lobe thinking skills when they are young.   go figure.  sometimes i wonder if they will ever just stop, realize i'm going to catch them, i'm going to be right, and just not do it.   UGH...............NOPE.  that's the problem with boys.   until their frontal lobes develop maturely moms are screwed.   in my case, 3 times over.   LOL  although, i am beginning to wonder if my daughter will ever grow common sense but i was taught that you can only have book smart or street smart.  poor thing is lucky she will be pretty.   she's book smart as hell but the rocks in her box just ain't there.   LOL   well as usual it was just another day whether it be the 4th or 5th.  boys grounded and praying they don't get a whippin when daddy gets home and daughter who is so bored she can't see straight.  that's any day in this house.   HAPPY 4TH ALL.   PEACE BE WITH YOU, PRAY FOR ME>>>>>>>>>>>LOL

stepson

We now live in a chaos of new proportions.   Things of illness strike my inlaws which in turn affect my family.  My husband’s son lives with his grandparents and nana is now in an assisted nursery home after a stroke has made it hard for her to go home where she wants.  To add to that, papa is avoiding his mandatory surgery to clear out another artery because of watching over nana.  Only problem is my stepson lives with them and he needs to be here with us.   Is that selfish?  He now spends his days sitting at the nursing home with them and we don’t know if they will ever be able to fully care for him again.  My husband wants to get his custody of the boy now.  He wanted to for years but never wanted to hurt his grandparents.   It’s all so complicated but we pray for the best. 

Does this mean if we get him this house will be chaos worse than ever?  YES. But is it worth it to put him in a stable environment?  Yes.  So now to figure from there.   Pray for us and wish this boy strength.  He is only 11 going on 12 physically but mentally he has had to be a grown boy to care for them.  I think with a little therapy and some readjustment he will fit into this family just fine.  

starting my new blog with my A.D.D. daughter

I think I’m going to start using my blog as a kind of self-help site for all kinds of things.  Today I’m going to write about a topic that is more common than most people realize or care to discuss:  mental illness.  This topic for me is very close to home and for most people it’s a touchy subject.  Not everything you go through mood or behavior wise is a disorder but so many people like to take the easy way and say it is or it isn’t.  3 of my 4 children have a form or another of a mental disorder.  Not a personality disorder which can be commonly misunderstood, but a mental disorder which involves chemicals in the brain not working the way they should, or over-abundantly in some cases.

I have a daughter who is 12.  She is going into the 7^th grade and since I can remember she has always had a focus issue.  Attention Deficit Disorder, and yes, there is a difference in ADD and adding the H for hyperactivity.  most people so commonly assume just because your child doesn’t pay attention to you means they must have a attention problem.  NOT TRUE.  My daughter has selective attention.  Ha-ha,   the kind where she never pays attention to us.  But in her case she also cannot pay attention in class nor even watching tv or reading a book.  She has to have medicine to keep her focus on anything that may interest her.  Even her conversations are scattered and her writing is atrocious.  When she takes the right kind of medicine she is a totally different child.  She can read her books for hours on end (which is a fave past time of hers by the way) and yes, even the computer and tv are no problem. (although sharing the computer with her brothers is) 

The problem with saying it’s just a kid thing is that often times that isn’t the case.  Most parents even go so far as to discipline when their child wants to talk all over the place or do 5 million things in an hour.  Some children (even adults) can’t stop themselves.  My daughter has to take medicine just to calm the activity in her brain down long enough enough for her tired body to shut down for sleep.  The electirical impulses are on the go 24/7 in her head.  It’s not the hyper fall out of the chair run around the area kind of disorder; she just can’t pay attention or look straight ahead for more than a minute or two.  Always busy.  Yet her medicine helps a lot.  

When she was 5 she developed trichotillomania. (a hair pulling disorder) once she developed it, it was always gonna stay.  Now she has to take a medicine to control the impulses to pluck out face hair or hair from any other part of her body.  This disorder is a form of compulsion.  The problem we have though is when you solve the problem for one compulsion, they develop something in it’s place.  So if she’s not plucking to save hair, she’s shredding paper.  Kind of a nervous disorder with anxiety.

So please, if your child by the time they are 3 or 4 year old, can’t watch tv for more than 5 minutes (and I don’t mean the news, I mean their fave show) or they can’t focus on a toy long, don’t discipline them, be patient.  (yea I know for a fact it’s frustrating, my boys have the hyperactive part too)  by the time they ar ein school a teacher will be able to tell you if it will be a problem.  Not all kids have a problem with it but they do work better on a constant routine.  Throwing a child with ADD much less ADHD out of a daily routine is cause for chaos.   I will discuss more when I get to my oldest son later.  Like I stated earlier, I am going to start writing things to hopefully help others.  Please feel free to ask questions or give advice, I’m all for either.   Let’s help each other help our kids and ourselves.  

Oh yes and a final note:  if you tell your child, who has focus troubles, to clean their room (or anything for that matter)  never give them instructions that are too broad.  Tell them to pick up dirty clothes or trash, then work your way down from there.  It’s too much processing and they WILL lose track somewhere about 5 minutes after you send them on their way to do it.  Is it long and drawn out, yes but will it save a fight or trouble in the end and get it done?  More than likely.  So make for peace and just take it one step at time.

sometimes men are blind idiots or smart idiots?

Have you ever wondered why a guy may never notice that girlie checking him out but yet as his better half you notice everything?  Man it drives me nuts when I visit my hubby at work.  I figured I’d take the kids to tell about what they did at VBS tonite and man I was in a good mood til I got there.  Left in a not-so-good-highly vengeful mood….LOL   well it may have been work to him but her it was more of an “attention’s all on me” kinda attitude.   One of these days I think for the hell of it I may walk in the door with my arsenal on my belt.  J  I mean seriously, how long do you need to be trained on picking up stray groceries.   Seriously how stupid are you?  The meat you find in the eggs DOESN’T go there.  You don’t need a leader for that.  Only teeny boppers think my husband has it all.  LOL  I know men have a need to feel bigger and better than they really are but geez.  When I walk in the door you can at least say hey honey to prevent me from tazing you in your sleep.  Or throwing your dinner to the dogs.  I don’t take kindly to being ignored so you can fill your ego.  I am a jealous and pissy wife.  LOL  hell if I got to put up with 4 kids who think my mental breakdowns are hilarious then I’m gonna take you down with me.  LOL  my daughter always wants to know when she can beat up some crazy chick who looked at daddy.  I told her to let it go they weren’t worth it.  If there is a woman or little teeny bopper who thinks I am cheap then I got something to tell you……” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”  4 kids and a wife like me is not a money burden you want.  But yet, it’s not her fault she’s an idiot.  Someone should have told her the package that comes with that chase is way to big for any woman to carry.  Let it go!!!!!    Last time someone tried that they lost big time.  Oh well, it’s still a man’s blind ignorance that causes little girls to think they are available. They are born ignorant.  Sorry men but DNA says your programmed that way.  At least programmed to have the need to be respected.  I respect you just not enough to let you be the boss.   There are limits and I stress them very well.   Ok enough venting on the ignorance of teenage girls and men.  

VBS

Vacation Bible School has started this year.   It's a good thing.  My boys get to go every night this year.  My daughter on the other hand is now to old.  Why is it that once your 12 you're too old to do it anymore?  My daughter would love to attend a night of fun and games and do Christian stuff.  Still trying to understand why there are age limits on nights like that.  When they have it for kids they should have a preteen and young teen VBS.
On another note, my oldest boy starts summer arts tomorrow.  It's good for him to have made it in but bad for the fact that i still have to get up at 630 every morning.  LOL  No school yet I get to get up early.  oh well.  yay damyon for getting accepted based on his art.   Not a funny post or anything, just saying.