stepson

We now live in a chaos of new proportions.   Things of illness strike my inlaws which in turn affect my family.  My husband’s son lives with his grandparents and nana is now in an assisted nursery home after a stroke has made it hard for her to go home where she wants.  To add to that, papa is avoiding his mandatory surgery to clear out another artery because of watching over nana.  Only problem is my stepson lives with them and he needs to be here with us.   Is that selfish?  He now spends his days sitting at the nursing home with them and we don’t know if they will ever be able to fully care for him again.  My husband wants to get his custody of the boy now.  He wanted to for years but never wanted to hurt his grandparents.   It’s all so complicated but we pray for the best. 

Does this mean if we get him this house will be chaos worse than ever?  YES. But is it worth it to put him in a stable environment?  Yes.  So now to figure from there.   Pray for us and wish this boy strength.  He is only 11 going on 12 physically but mentally he has had to be a grown boy to care for them.  I think with a little therapy and some readjustment he will fit into this family just fine.  

starting my new blog with my A.D.D. daughter

I think I’m going to start using my blog as a kind of self-help site for all kinds of things.  Today I’m going to write about a topic that is more common than most people realize or care to discuss:  mental illness.  This topic for me is very close to home and for most people it’s a touchy subject.  Not everything you go through mood or behavior wise is a disorder but so many people like to take the easy way and say it is or it isn’t.  3 of my 4 children have a form or another of a mental disorder.  Not a personality disorder which can be commonly misunderstood, but a mental disorder which involves chemicals in the brain not working the way they should, or over-abundantly in some cases.

I have a daughter who is 12.  She is going into the 7^th grade and since I can remember she has always had a focus issue.  Attention Deficit Disorder, and yes, there is a difference in ADD and adding the H for hyperactivity.  most people so commonly assume just because your child doesn’t pay attention to you means they must have a attention problem.  NOT TRUE.  My daughter has selective attention.  Ha-ha,   the kind where she never pays attention to us.  But in her case she also cannot pay attention in class nor even watching tv or reading a book.  She has to have medicine to keep her focus on anything that may interest her.  Even her conversations are scattered and her writing is atrocious.  When she takes the right kind of medicine she is a totally different child.  She can read her books for hours on end (which is a fave past time of hers by the way) and yes, even the computer and tv are no problem. (although sharing the computer with her brothers is) 

The problem with saying it’s just a kid thing is that often times that isn’t the case.  Most parents even go so far as to discipline when their child wants to talk all over the place or do 5 million things in an hour.  Some children (even adults) can’t stop themselves.  My daughter has to take medicine just to calm the activity in her brain down long enough enough for her tired body to shut down for sleep.  The electirical impulses are on the go 24/7 in her head.  It’s not the hyper fall out of the chair run around the area kind of disorder; she just can’t pay attention or look straight ahead for more than a minute or two.  Always busy.  Yet her medicine helps a lot.  

When she was 5 she developed trichotillomania. (a hair pulling disorder) once she developed it, it was always gonna stay.  Now she has to take a medicine to control the impulses to pluck out face hair or hair from any other part of her body.  This disorder is a form of compulsion.  The problem we have though is when you solve the problem for one compulsion, they develop something in it’s place.  So if she’s not plucking to save hair, she’s shredding paper.  Kind of a nervous disorder with anxiety.

So please, if your child by the time they are 3 or 4 year old, can’t watch tv for more than 5 minutes (and I don’t mean the news, I mean their fave show) or they can’t focus on a toy long, don’t discipline them, be patient.  (yea I know for a fact it’s frustrating, my boys have the hyperactive part too)  by the time they ar ein school a teacher will be able to tell you if it will be a problem.  Not all kids have a problem with it but they do work better on a constant routine.  Throwing a child with ADD much less ADHD out of a daily routine is cause for chaos.   I will discuss more when I get to my oldest son later.  Like I stated earlier, I am going to start writing things to hopefully help others.  Please feel free to ask questions or give advice, I’m all for either.   Let’s help each other help our kids and ourselves.  

Oh yes and a final note:  if you tell your child, who has focus troubles, to clean their room (or anything for that matter)  never give them instructions that are too broad.  Tell them to pick up dirty clothes or trash, then work your way down from there.  It’s too much processing and they WILL lose track somewhere about 5 minutes after you send them on their way to do it.  Is it long and drawn out, yes but will it save a fight or trouble in the end and get it done?  More than likely.  So make for peace and just take it one step at time.

sometimes men are blind idiots or smart idiots?

Have you ever wondered why a guy may never notice that girlie checking him out but yet as his better half you notice everything?  Man it drives me nuts when I visit my hubby at work.  I figured I’d take the kids to tell about what they did at VBS tonite and man I was in a good mood til I got there.  Left in a not-so-good-highly vengeful mood….LOL   well it may have been work to him but her it was more of an “attention’s all on me” kinda attitude.   One of these days I think for the hell of it I may walk in the door with my arsenal on my belt.  J  I mean seriously, how long do you need to be trained on picking up stray groceries.   Seriously how stupid are you?  The meat you find in the eggs DOESN’T go there.  You don’t need a leader for that.  Only teeny boppers think my husband has it all.  LOL  I know men have a need to feel bigger and better than they really are but geez.  When I walk in the door you can at least say hey honey to prevent me from tazing you in your sleep.  Or throwing your dinner to the dogs.  I don’t take kindly to being ignored so you can fill your ego.  I am a jealous and pissy wife.  LOL  hell if I got to put up with 4 kids who think my mental breakdowns are hilarious then I’m gonna take you down with me.  LOL  my daughter always wants to know when she can beat up some crazy chick who looked at daddy.  I told her to let it go they weren’t worth it.  If there is a woman or little teeny bopper who thinks I am cheap then I got something to tell you……” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”  4 kids and a wife like me is not a money burden you want.  But yet, it’s not her fault she’s an idiot.  Someone should have told her the package that comes with that chase is way to big for any woman to carry.  Let it go!!!!!    Last time someone tried that they lost big time.  Oh well, it’s still a man’s blind ignorance that causes little girls to think they are available. They are born ignorant.  Sorry men but DNA says your programmed that way.  At least programmed to have the need to be respected.  I respect you just not enough to let you be the boss.   There are limits and I stress them very well.   Ok enough venting on the ignorance of teenage girls and men.  

VBS

Vacation Bible School has started this year.   It's a good thing.  My boys get to go every night this year.  My daughter on the other hand is now to old.  Why is it that once your 12 you're too old to do it anymore?  My daughter would love to attend a night of fun and games and do Christian stuff.  Still trying to understand why there are age limits on nights like that.  When they have it for kids they should have a preteen and young teen VBS.
On another note, my oldest boy starts summer arts tomorrow.  It's good for him to have made it in but bad for the fact that i still have to get up at 630 every morning.  LOL  No school yet I get to get up early.  oh well.  yay damyon for getting accepted based on his art.   Not a funny post or anything, just saying.