empty nest????

Ok, so school starts next week for my 3 oldest children and the week after for my youngest and I.  well odd part is, when I look back over my children starting school I noticed I never really cried or felt that “oh their growing up” feeling.  Now that my youngest has started getting ready for school and even got his own big boy bed in the big boy room, I’m feeling it.   They are finally all becoming some sort of grown in their own right.   L  When my oldest went to her first day of daycare or first day of school,  I didn’t cry.  I was proud but not sad.  Other moms I know say they cry when their big one goes off to school for the first time.   WHY?   There are still more at home to occupy your every waking moment.  No time to cry.  I did cry when my daughter graduated the fifth grade if that counts.   I cried and she looked at me like I had lost it but that’s my little girl whom I did not cry for when she went off to school for the first time but the reality of her growing up to go to middle school killed me.   The next two in line are my boys, so them growing up is kinda high up there on my wish list.  LOL no offense to my sons but DAMN.  I can’t wait for those two to become a problem for adulthood than for me.   Before they hit high school I’m liable to be in a crazy bin while they are off causing drama and chaos to others.   Now my fourth and, better be FINAL, son and child will be going off to public school.  Now the anxiety of not having him underfoot is killing me.   The fact that he is now sleeping in my older boys’ room is bad enough but now he will be leaving the house for what I like to call “free daycare” during the week.   It’s been YEARS since I’ve had the house to myself and I truly have no clue what to do or think.   He’s my little normal thinking chaos ball of joy.   Man, I guess I will actually be in the library working on my own school work.   The gist of it is, I’m so used to having my children at home that the thought of them growing up is terrifying me.  they may be nuts, chaotic, hyper from hell, and all the good nutty crap that drives all moms crazy, but that’s what keeps me going daily.  Without the chaos of my children in my house I may fall apart.    LOL  or I may find that I thoroughly enjoy peace and quiet.   Either way I wouldn’t know cause I’ve never had it.  LOL  well time to get prepared to be back to school.